love letters from my 34th summer

I took the following pictures several months ago. Because I was busy planting mint, weeding lettuce, and sleeping at my friend’s farm I haven’t had the chance to post them until now. You have all seen pictures of helicopters. I am sure some of you have seen pictures of cheese and crackers. However I am quite confident nobody has seen pictures of helicopters and cheese and crackers together.

Why am I so confident? Because I invented the genre. Go to Flickr. There is no Helicopter/Cheese/Cracker group. One reason these pictures are so rare is because people never have them all together at the same time or the same place. You could Photoshop those things together, but that would pathetic. Photoshop makes my blood boil, so don’t get me started. Anyway, think about it. Lot’s of people have had crackers and helicopters, or cheese and crackers, but never all three at once. And if they did, it wouldn’t occur to them to make a life-changing-word-view-altering-statement via avant guard photography like it did me.

My mom told me once that I had an eye for photography, and I thought she was just being nice because she was my mom. But no, as it turns out, she has an eye for people that have an eye for photography. She’s right, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my mom.

Another person on the boat, who shall be known as The Near-sighted Medic, saw my genius and decided that since cheese and crackers and helicopters was my thing, he would be a pioneer in the world of sliced sausage and helicopters (see picture below). The results were uninspiring. One of my friends did get a picture of me holding up his rainbow-shaped sliced sausage. I look like I am trying to help because I am nice, but really I am thinking: “I am thirty-two years old, I am holding a piece of rainbow-shaped sausage as a helicopter flies away for a Near-sighted Medic, I don’t even have health insurance, and I will die alone.” Later I told The Near-sighted Medic I wouldn’t be able to talk to him anymore because I didn’t support his vision, plus I didn’t like him making light of my new life’s work. I still had two more weeks out there with him. Thankfully it wasn’t awkward because he couldn’t see me unless I was within a two feet radius of his thick glasses.

I have lost a lot of weight since that picture, so I don’t need a lot of people commenting how fat I am now. I saw I had problem and stopped eating so much cheese. I am almost back to my normal/sexy weight. Oh and just so you don’t think I am limited in my cheese and cracker genre, have a look at this fast boat, cheese and cracker picture. Coming soon to a fine gallery near you.