While the U.S. Was Busy Attacking Iraq… Norwegians Figured Out How to Put Bacon in a Tube.
So I’m on a Norwegian boat, and it’s great. Norwegians are clean people as far as I can tell (from snooping through their things when they are working on the boat’s engine). The other day I was busy looking through the refrigerator, and I came upon a tube with a picture of bacon on it (see picture). So after asking around, I found out the tubes have bacon and cheese in them. I tried some on some bread, and it tasted just like bacon and cheese.
Holy crap! The whole world is going to be speaking Norwegian one day soon if this keeps up. If you think the EU is begging Norway to join because of their booming economy, energy resources, or well-built boats you are wrong. They have figured out how to put bacon and cheese into family-size toothpaste tubes for ease of use. The rest of Europe won’t rest until they have access to that kind of thinking.
And after researching this tube technology more by talking to another Norwegian (and going through more Norwegian cabins while posing as a steward) I found out that they have all kinds of things in tubes. Among them are: Ham and Cheese, Salami and Cheese, Caviar, Halibut, Whale meat (I am against this), Jelly (not KY, but strawberry), Hard Boiled Eggs, Lemon, Pine and New Car.
This is the captain of my boat all jacked up on Bacon and Cheese:
Related news: China, in response to Norway’s success with foodstuff and tubes, decided to double production of their racist toothpaste pictured below:
The Hong Kong company claims the toothpaste is no longer offensive because it’s now called Darlie.
Unrelated News: Once again all of OutKast’s shows on their India tour have been cancelled.
Norwegians sure can tube anything, but they can’t bake good soft bread if their life depended on it. Also buying a beer in Norway would make your heart drop. The pricing is ridiculously high in Norway just like in Sweden, which is why both have a reputation to be constantly drunk when they visit Denmark. Still we Danes feel as they are our brother countries when all comes to all.
Norway has one thing going for them besides the wealth and oil money. They have some of the most spectacular landscapes though. I guess that’s why all Norwegians I’ve ever met always look so happy. I hope the guys on the boat resembles this mood, or you’ll be in for a long drinking campaign.
Comment by Peter — June 1, 2006 @ 3:27 am
Where can I get some of this bacon and cheese in a tube? Bring some to China!
Comment by John — June 1, 2006 @ 4:52 am
they got shrimp in a tube too. It’s pretty good, but they got some nasty cheese, and they don’t tell you when they replace the good feta cheese salad with nasty cheese salad, damn norwegian stewards
Comment by alf — June 7, 2006 @ 12:31 am
I see the tube is partially used…My wife would be happy to see that you squeezed from the bottom up…
Glad I found your blog…I’ll be back…
Comment by Lonnie — July 24, 2006 @ 12:01 pm
Darkie? Kind of boring. It’s years since they changed the name to Darlie. And it’s a Malaysian company, I believe.
Comment by bathrobe — August 4, 2006 @ 5:28 am
Marvelous. Thanks, will spread this among my friends!
Comment by hatbox — December 28, 2006 @ 8:44 am
Marvelous. Thanks, will spread this among my friends!
Comment by hasland — December 28, 2006 @ 8:47 am
Bacon in a tube is nothing. In Seattle, they found a way to make ham into a soda. And its caffeine-free, kosher food. See also their latke, eggnog, Christmas tree, and jelly doughnut varieties.
http://www.jonessoda.com/files/holiday_2007.php
Comment by AJ — November 10, 2007 @ 6:16 pm