Florida…where old people come to grow older…and older people come to die.
Greetings from sunny Florida. During the last week I have been to Atlanta, where I met up with my friends, Greg and Alf. We then came down to Orlando where Greg lives. After arriving in Orlando, I have been to Cocoa Beach, FL., Houston, TX, Lafayatte, LA, and Naples, FL. I have, once again followed my bleeding heart and started a new job. You see, when I was young, I saw a bumper sticker that said “Save the Whales” and I have to say…it stuck with me.
About two months ago, my friend Greg told me about his new job protecting sperm whales in the Gulf of Mexico during geophysical seismic operations. So, with a bit of help from Greg, I have been able to secure the same job as a Marine Mammal Observer. I will be working on large boats making sure whales aren’t getting overlooked because you need more gas in your SUV. In short, I am saving whales and getting paid for it.
After several months of doing this job, I will have all my debts paid and enough money to travel and live for a year. I have passed all my tests and will be shipping out tomorrow as long as my urine comes back from the lab free of THC. Seriously, my urine should be pure, but keep in mind I am from Asheville, North Carolina, which has low levels of the Chronic in the tap water. I get contact buzz everytime I enter a building with bad ventilation in A-town. But still, as long as there are no snafus with Jamie’s Pee, I’ll be out to sea protecting endangered sea mammals for quite awhile.(update: Alf–who pee’d the same time I did–has already received the news his urine has been vetted “negative,” but there is still no word about my urine).
Later last week Alf and I learned how to be safe on the boat We then got into a fake helicopter blindfolded, and got inverted upside down underwater. I then had to count to ten, open up a window in the helicopter and swim out. How did I do? Well, if I didn’t do well they would not have given me this:
Bam!
That’s right, I almost hope a helicopter goes down because I have Helicopter Underwater Egress Training. In layman’s terms, I have mad helicopter water escape skills, yo. I’ll wait here while my regular readers go look up the meaning of the word “egress.” On a side note, they had 10 million helicopter flights in the Gulf of Mexico last year and ten of them went down, so my chances of having to use this training are minimal. There, I think I have jinxed myself enough.
So for the next several months, I’ll be protecting whales, swimming out of underwater, upside-down helicopters, and trying to fall in love with Orlando, FL. I will usually be on a boat, so I won’t be in Orlando much. Also, Orlando makes my soul hurt. So, I will have E-mail on the boat. Greg and Alf will be writing updates about their time saving endangered sea mammals too, so go check out their sites. I would link it, but I think you can go click on on Alf and Greg in my links just as easily. Besides, I have my whales to think about now.
