A New Year = New Resolutions to Break
Hello, 2004. I know it’s been 2004 for a few days now; but if I am one thing, it’s a procrastinator. I do EVERYTHING either at the last minute or—more often—not at all, which is one of my New Year’s resolutions. (1) That’s right from now on I will endeavor to not put things off. But since I have already wasted five days of this year, I think I will make this effective in 2005. Throughout this post you will be able to notice some of my New Years resolutions because I will thoughtfully and helpfully put parenthesis around them like this à ( ). In the middle of these parentheses you will see a counting number. This number will equally correspond to the number of New Year’s resolutions that I am making. Some of these may not seem like traditional resolutions. That’s because they aren’t.
This is an exciting month for me. The first BIG NEWS is that I am leaving Haikou and moving to Hangzhou. When I have more time, I will write a Haiku about Haikou, Hainan. (2) I should write more Haiku, now that I think about it. On January 12, I will tearfully say goodbye to Haikou, in a carefully staged ceremony at the airport at 11:00 PM at night. Young women will be weeping, young men will adorn their bravest face, and old people will shake their heads and wistfully mutter: “We hardly knew ya’, Jamie Doom; we hardly knew ya’.”
Of course they will be saying this in Chinese. (3) I need to quite fooling around and get down to the business of learning Mandarin Chinese. Sure, I know how insult people, order food, and tell people I have a cavity, but there is much more to life than this—I think. I want to be able to talk to these wonderful old people about history, their long lives, young people and their philosophy. I want to be able to talk to more cool young men about their dreams, hopes and fears. I want to be able to talk to more beautiful young women about…me.
After leaving Haikou, I will be flying to Nanjing with my friend and partner in crime, Liang Bing. Liang Bing is the Chinese brother I never had. I specifically remember asking Santa for a Chinese brother. He would nervously shift on his throne and mumble something about ho, ho, ho. It never happened back then. Instead my mother produced another white offspring; and as if to spite me, it was a girl. I have digressed. (4) I shouldn’t do that so much. I love you Jana, if you are reading this. If you aren’t reading this, then never you mind.
In Nanjing, we will be met by Liang Bing’s father who will, no doubt, be like the Chinese father I never had but often begged Santa for. From there, we will drive to a small town in Anhui. In Anhui, we will get down to the beautiful business of celebrating the Chinese Lunar New Year. At that time, (5)I will make my Chinese Lunar New Year’s Resolutions which will not resemble these plain New Year’s Resolutions at all. So I will hang out with the Liang’s and (6) try to avoid eating dog meat, a real Anhui specialty, for a few weeks. (7) If I do accidentally eat a dog, I’ll remember that I have already eaten a rat which is a real Hainan specialty and is much worse than dog. I also hope that my PETA membership won’t be revoked because of one small hungry oversight. I also hope that if I eat a dog, (8) it will be a collie.
After feasting and celebrating at the Liang’s and meeting his huge extended family, we will go back over to Nanjing. I hope to stay there a few days. I’m not sure what there is to do in Nanjing. I imagine (9) I’ll walk around a lot and say nasty things about Japanese people. If there is anybody out there that lives in Nanjing and wants to hang out one evening, let me know. (10) I’m very easy to entertain, and (11) will insist violently on paying for everything, right before I let you pay for everything. Soon thereafter, I will leave Nanjing. There will be a small (brass quartet) but solemn ceremony at the train station. You know the drill.
After Nanjing, Liang and I head to Shanghai. In Shanghai, (12) I will stock up Western Sellout food. (13) I also hope to chill with more people there that I have never met. Yo, you know who you are; we have to hang out. Liang and I will stay with a friend of his from Anhui who has forsaken dogs and often eats at Pizza Hut. I hear there are a lot of people like this in Shanghai. While in Shanghai, Liang will bargain for me at every chance and act offended when I buy something after the shop owner has insulted him after he has insulted the shop owner. Liang, if you’re reading this; I got nothing but love for ya’.
Around February 12, I will arrive in Hangzhou. I have taken a job at Zhejiang University City College (ZUCC). I (14) will teach English there, and (15) try to learn a little more about China.
I look forward to this new job, but more importantly I look forward to new friends, new insights, and new food. Can’t wait.
For those of you curious about my movie career, (16) I will be posting something more about that here in the next couple of days. It’s really become a little boring for me now. But I’m sure there is something a little interesting in my memory of it. I’ll post more pictures. Also, during my traveling, I don’t imagine my weblog will get much attention. I’ll try to post random things when I have a chance, but don’t bank on it. I apologize in advance. Happy New Year to everybody back home! I know I owe a bunch of E-mails. (17) I’ll try to do better.
